Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Surgery jitters

When the nurse told me the protocol this morning during my pre-admittance blood work, the surgery seemed much more real - and impending. "When you report to the waiting room, we will take you to the back and you put on a gown and get on the stretcher. We'll start your IV. We'll then wheel you down to the second floor, where the OR is located. You'll then meet with your anesthesiologist and then briefly with your surgeon. You won't remember anything after that point."

"You look scared," she said. I am. None of this is new, but when I spoke about surgery before it was just that - surgery. I had a lot of jitters, mostly about my future battle with Crohn's and more immediately, the pain involved. But now I'm just...shallow breath nervous. The countdown is here. I'm already not taking anything that can cause blood to thin, as dictated by the surgeon. I will have surgery in nine days.

When it comes down to it on the day of the surgery, you are alone. It's just you, your body, and the medical team in the OR. And when they put you to sleep and make that first incision, I'm not Kathryn, who asks neurotic questions and writes a silly blog, but Patient X who has fluid-filled intestines, a stringy fistula and a stubborn abscess.


  1. Aww! Don't be scared! (easier said than done I know). My parents couldn't even be in the hospital when I went in for surgery to have my abscess drained, but it's important to remember that your family and friends are there for you- even when you're in the room. You're only _physically_ by yourself, but in all other ways, you're far from alone. Don't forget that!

    ~Bright Side

  2. Hehe, I know, I wrote that really quickly during a "I'm so scared I can't take a deep breath and really access the situation" moment. It just sort of hit me. And I'm scared because some tests came back and my situation isn't as "up in the air" as they thought - surgery really is's not so elective anymore. But now, after I had a few hours (and some yummy hot chocolate and soup - it's a cold, rainy day here!) I feel better. As you know, these things just come in waves!! But I'm super fortunate; I have lots of support. My husband will be waiting for me during the surgery, although, when I said it was going to be a a long wait (3 hr surgery plus prep, plus recovery) his response was, "Will there be danish?" (Last time in the hospital he spotted pasteries in the OR waiting room!!!!!) I see where his priorities are! ;-) Thanks for the comment, Bright Side!

  3. Kathryn- You will never be along. We will be there in spirit ( and in person if you wish) and Matt will be our instant link to you....


  4. David and I will be thinking of you all day.
    love you