Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Vampire Neighbors

Matt and I live in a quintessentially suburban neighborhood - a older development plotted and built in 1955 with two-story colonials and split-levels that quietly mimic one another. Our immediate neighbors are original owners, but most the neighborhood has middle-aged couples or couples with young children. Every other family has a dog, and I've counted no less than six black labs on the two streets that comprise our immediate vicinity (because I am very doggie-astute, I can tell that our black lab, Penny, has a crush on Bear, an older and more grizzly lab, although the affections are not returned for he is enamored with Abby, a Spring Spaniel down the way. It is no surprise then that Penny and Abby do not get along.)

Although Matt and I are probably the youngest in the neighborhood, there is another couple who have the corner lot perpendicular to ours, and, for the lack of a better phrase, I am in love with them (Matt would err on "obsessed"). We heard about them before we ever saw them. "Your dog looks exactly like that dog Bella on the corner!" or "From the distance I thought you were that other young couple on the corner! And your dogs - they look exactly alike!" Now, this excited me in a two distinct ways: 1) They are close and young, and in turn (and in my mind) viable friend material to cure my Netflix Fridays, and 2) they obviously have superior taste since they have a dog identical to Penny (and now Penny has a friend, too). See, perfect, right? So I set off to meet this young couple.

Well...it's been two years and I've really made big strides. I mean, I've spoken to them twice and waved from my car once, and for extra kudo points, they sported an Obama sign during the campaign. Swoon, I did.
You see, they're never out. Furthermore, their lights are never on. You know how I'm really astute when it comes to dogs (well, just go with it), well, I feel I am the same way with people too. So, the other day, as Matt and I walked Penny past their shade-drawn house, I told him my very scientific hypothesis: "They are obviously vampires."

They shun the sun! And they were awfully pale when I met them those two times. I don't really know too much else about vampires. I did read an Anne Rice book once (mass paperbacks never really agreed with me, though), and I did see the movie adaptation of "Interview with the Vampire", too. And just last week I put "Twilight" on my Netflix queue to further my vampire knowledge. So, obviously, I feel I am coming at this with certain expertise.

Maybe it's better that they stick to their vampire ways. She is an assistant law professor and previously clerked for some big names in D.C. (read: SMART, as in too smart) and he is some software engineer (this got my blood pumping until I - don't be too scared here - Googled him, forwarded his bio and company profile to Matt with "So you guys have a lot in common, right?" not really knowing anything about computers, of course, and was supremely let down when he responded with, "Not really; I don't really understand what he does." WHAT?! I wrote back how could that be, he's a computer nerd, you're a computer nerd, our dogs can be sisters, and THAT, my friend, IS THAT! Matt really didn't see if that way.

And thus ended my very rehearsed attempts to "casually" meet them in the street. So now, I just slow down the car as I drive by, longingly looking up at their darkened windows.

Note: The pictured house is obviously not theirs. It's not the graveyard in the front that should tip you off, but the light in the upstairs window. I told you; they never have their lights on!


  1. you are hilarious! perhaps they are trying to conserve electric in this trying economy? perhaps not though with how well off they seem to be. but, it was a thought. in any case, well written and equally witty!

  2. Thank you, Laurie! So, I have an UPDATE! I took Penny on a walk by the river last night - it's a 2 minute drive. Who do we pass on the street with his dog?! That's right! The neighbors! (Well, the male half of the couple.) Penny looked out the car window longingly as did I....and so the story goes...