Friday, May 20, 2011

New Beginnings

I've wanted to write this post for quite a while, and I've thought about the tone in which I'd write it, or the language I'd use and all of those writer's flourishes that dance on so many of the blogs and pieces I adore. But now that pen is to paper (or, in my case, fingers to keyboard) no fabulous cheekiness is coming to me. No play on words or goofy sentiments, either. So, with that, I will say this, plainly but full of love, hope, and giddiness: I am pregnant (I have to say it again: I am pregnant!!!) and Matt and I couldn't be more happily terrified.

We have entered our second trimester and are due mid-November. We learned of the pregnancy the second week of March, with very little pomp and circumstance. I went for my blood test on a Friday morning (a week after I was laid off), and Matt planned to come home around 2 pm to take the results call with me. They always call after 2 pm, but that Friday the phone rang at 12:30 pm and the nurse said - I remember so clearly - "So, ya ever have a positive pregnancy test?".

We didn't celebrate that night, or the following few weeks. We tempered our expectations - my progesterone and estrogen levels were woefully low and I was being propped up on several supplements. But, my beta numbers (hCG - the pregnancy hormone) kept rising, and then we had an ultrasound and saw the yolk sac. Our next ultrasound we saw a smudge in the yolk sac. On our next ultrasound the smudge was now a shrimp, and was larger and had a heartbeat, and now, many weeks later, our smudge is a baby the size of a lemon who kicks, punches, and makes us hold our breath every time we see him or her on the ultrasound monitor.

As the weeks progressed, I felt more free to believe everything would be okay. I visited baby forums, read no less than 200 reviews of strollers on Babies R Us and and last week, as we entered our second trimester, Matt turned to me and said, "We have so much to do before the baby comes; we have to make a list!" There is always risk, and it is still early, but we've finally exhaled, and we have never been more happy.

Matt, being Matt, has named the baby "Cletus the Fetus". "How's Cletus today, K?!" Me, being me, usually snottily retorts with, "Well, our CHILD weighs an ounce, so it's not like I feel him wiggling around in there." Matt wants a boy, but only because he doesn't know what to do with a girl. He is scared of them and their pink and lace and temper tantrums. I have no gender expectations, but I do hope he or she has Matt's kindness, patience, joie de vivre, and perfect health, and what I'd like to think of as my strong sense of self and sardonic humor. I'd also like them to not inherent Matt's hairiness - well, that goes more so if the baby is a girl.

When it rains, it pours. I'm starting a new job in Philadelphia after Memorial Day (yes; it take a lot for that to be second-rate news!), and although nervous and a bit overwhelmed, I think I'm really kickin' ass these days. Of course, there are some hiccups: today my ob/gyn told me I really need to to control my rocketing weight (oops - I finally looked at the number on the scale after many appointments of eyes squeezed shut and, sadly, I have to admit, a few tears were shed), and then there's the whole thing of the world ending tomorrow on the 21st. Just when things were really starting to look up...

In my "real" life I am still keeping this news to close friends and family and there will be no Facebook announcement (now or later), but a few readers have reached out individually, and I'm so glad I can now share the news with everyone on the blog. I owe you a world of gratitude: however cheesy this sounds, your support and comments were rays of sunshine in my inbox, and I can only hope I can return the same happiness you have given me.


  1. How wonderful! I wish you the best for your pregnancy!

  2. Kathryn... this is such beautiful news! I teared up at least three separate times reading this (once for "pregnant!!!", once for "lemon" and again for "new job". I am so, so very happy for you and Matt! Oh my goodness... so much so that it has to be borderline creepy coming from a bloggy friend from the other side of the internets.

    No wonder your posts have been so sparse the last few weeks -- one can only write so many posts and refrain from shouting it out ;)

    What an outrageously happy set of announcements on this already sunny and blue (at least over here..) last day of the world. A very hearty congratulations to you and Matt. May you be healthy throughout!!

  3. Well what can I say, it's about damn time! I know you were thinking it! :) I am so thrilled for you and Matt. I really am. I almost feel like I can have this pregnancy too, vicariously through you. I admit, I teared up reading this but not in my usual anger for it not being me, but in pure and deep joy for you both. You deserve this and I am so very excited! I can't wait to hear more.

  4. o WOW! Congrats!!!! Wishing you an amazing pregnancy experience! Were holding thumbs & praying for you about wanting a baby & a job for a while now! Enjoy & keep us updated on da 'shrimp'! :)

  5. Thanks so much girls! Loved reading all the comments!! I'm sure I'll have some eyebrow-raising tales to tell about everything soon and I'm so happy I'm able to finally share!

  6. Congratulations K! I've been following your blog almost since the beginning, and this is so wonderful. I wish you so much joy!
    ~Bright Side

  7. Oh, I'm tardy, and I've already done the Nutty Professor Clump clap 'n dance for the oh-so-appropro-named Cletus, but I believe in commenting and so I'm coming here to confirm:

    Yes, you most certainly are kickin' ass these days--even if li'l lemon sprout is the only thing actually kicking.

    I'm thrilled and already have visions of us downtown plotting lunchtime jaunts where we can thoroughly evaluate strollers, coo and hell naw over boutique baby clothes and look for bidness briefcase bags that would make awesome breast pump carriers instead :)

    Congratulations, friend! May infinite happiness and health be heaped upon you both ...


    All three of you.

    No, four. Pet Penny for me :)

  8. Thank you Brightside and Danita! We are so excited (well that's an understatement). It's been a long road!

    Danita: I see you finally got yourself that domain; good girl! Love seein' your writings.

    The lemon is an apple now!

  9. If you can't hear my excited squealing from where you are, clearly I need to squeal a bit louder! I've been bouncing up and down every time I check your blog hoping for this news, I didn't want to ask incase things weren't good, but YAY!!!!!!!! This is the best news I've heard in ages. Really hope Penny doesn't mind the thought of sharing her parents. :) Congratulations to you both!

  10. How exciting...congratulations Kathryn!!! :) Wishing you the very very best.

  11. Amanda,
    I'm tickled you're so excited! Thank you both for your well wishes - I know having a baby is pretty much one of the most common things in the world, but we're pretty darn psyched!!!