Sunday, November 20, 2011

Still Waiting....and waiting...

I Google-imaged "late baby" and this image came up.  I don't know what to make of it, but obviously it needed to be posted.

It took us almost two trying years to conceive, and nine slow months in utero, and now this sucker has the audacity to curl up with a good book and settle down for the long haul nestled in my pelvis.  I am three days late, which I know isn't much, but lord almighty if it doesn't feel like three months.

"Your baby's head is right there!" exclaimed the ob/gyn on Friday.  Since I see different doctors in the practice I pointed out that the baby's head has been "right there" for the better part of a month now.  "But you're about 75% effaced as well!"  Look, lady, I was like that last week.  And the week prior.  

Then my mother, who had both me and my sister early (and was resolute when she said I was absolutely going to have this kid early as well), said she was doing some research on late babies, and 1) that our baby was surely going to have a cone-head because he/she has been deep in my pelvis for so long, and 2) "you know that the later they get the bigger they get, right? And then sometimes they can't get them out."  

Thank you mom!

I've tried everything to evacuate this kiddo:

1) Dutifully watching YouTube videos on pressure points that supposedly stimulate labor and having Matt be my personal masseuse.
2) Sex (having sex to try to get a baby out is about as equally fun as having sex trying to get a baby in, let me tell you that, particularly because it's often at 4 am when I can't sleep and Matt is awoken from deep slumber - hehehe).  
3) Walking (this really only helps with the baby "dropping", but mine has been as low as it can go for a month)
4) Jumping up and down like a banchee 
5) Making deals with baby, e.g. "If you come out now maybe I won't be so anti-video game."  (Total lies, I will always be anti-video game.)
6) Taking the non-express train home from work hoping all the bouncing and shaking "will do something".
7) Crying and complaining

That's about it.

On Monday I have a non-stress test, which is just simple protocol for later babies, and monitors the baby's movements and heartbeat, ensuring everything is a-okay.  At that time we'll schedule my induction, which will be sometime after Thanksgiving.  I didn't think I'd be at Thanksgiving stuffed like a damn turkey, but there you go.

Matt is much more zen about the whole thing: "You had such an easy pregnancy and you should be happy our baby made it to full-term," he says.  The only acceptable response to this is a death stare.  Obviously.


  1. You're welcome, Kathryn. This post has me laughing so hard that I can't contain myself and may have to run to the bathroom, but before I do...
    #1 I WAS absolutely sure you were going to have this baby early--mother's intuition--but I WAS WRONG! And how could I be wrong!? I'm still pondering that.
    #2 You do recall that your ob/gyn said there was a genetic tendency for early delivery if your mother and female relatives delivered early. (Forget for a moment that the other ob/gyn refuted this comment.)
    #3 I was much more diplomatic telling you the results of my internet search than you let on. (Forget for a moment that I tried to stifle the giggling when I said "conehead".)
    #4 GRAMMAR GURU said to tell you that banshee's don't jump up and down. They wail. And you spelled it wrong.
    Okay, now I gotta run. Love you, MONG

  2. Hahaha! Sorry about Thanksgiving, but both you and your mom are way too funny! By the way, the GRAMMAR GURU talks to me too. I swear that corporations should hire me to proofread their commercials, press releases, and other written communications. It's ridiculous how much gets past their people.

    Anyway, I hope we hear news before Thanksgiving, like tomorrow at the latest! (Oh, and it can't hurt to try spicy foods. Supposedly they work ;-)