Friday, February 25, 2011

Don't Get In My Way

When you find out unemployment is eminent, you do crazy things.  My last day will be today or Monday. Last Thursday our CEO - glib and removed - said although making payroll may be questionable, we should all be professionals and come into work with a smile.  Since we are on deferred pay, that could mean one month of work without pay.  And that makes me incensed.  I have thus decided the only reasonable action is to steal anything I can use during unemployment: having Crohn's, toilet paper tops that list.  I'm also eyeing paper and pens, file racks and cleaner, and I'm so low that even feminine hygiene supplies have made the list.  Hey; they take my money, I take their tampons.

I've also taken other immediate actions: on Thursday I called three eye doctors until I found one who would see me the next day (no less, on his lunch hour).  He was cute to boot and smelled of soap - I was smitten.  Then yesterday I raced to Target's pharmacy before it closed to fill a much-need prescription because I had three coupons - fill a prescription, get a $10 Target gift card.  With two $10 gift cards in hand, I feel like I'm rolling in the dough.

I'm also going through IVF and yesterday had our egg retrieval.  There's not much to tell: it went fine, we had lunch afterwards, and I ate a gyro.  Well, come to think of it, that was a really slammin' afternoon.  But things, on a whole, have been hard.  My neighborhood has a horrible rush hour traffic problem and I want to move, which is idiotic on many levels, except that I feel like a prisoner in my own home.  The shades are down and loud music is often on so I can go about my business without having to hear the stop and go of all the vehicles.  It sounds silly, but it's driving me crazy and I longingly look at houses online that we cannot afford (especially now).  I don't want a big house (smaller would be fine!).  I just want it...removed.  This morning I was beeped at several times for going the speed limit in my neighborhood.  I find this particularly noxious: here are drivers who are cutting through a quiet, suburban street and they have the gull to beep.  So I gave them the finger.  That's pretty much how I take matters into my own hands.

This is a reenactment of the angry, honkin' driver behind me.  I love it when their faces turn red.


  1. "Hey, they take my money, I take their tampons" is just a terrific, hilarious, perfectly all-encompassing line.

    This situation is so terribly vexing I feel like I'm the embodiment of a tireless pendulum swinging back and forth between hysteria and hilarity. I've no other option than to dissect and commentate and laugh about as much of it as possible because madness is imminent and a poor option for me at this time.

    Every slight annoyance is magnified to Tell Tale Heart beats' proportions; I'm nearly overcome with angst emotion. I want to be free, but damnit, I'd prefer it be on terms that are mine and therefore not shiesty.

    Ugh. I ramble. I don't know what else to say really other than I'm just really damn glad we finally found a way to get to know one another and become friends. And as much as I'mma hate the axe that's a-coming, I'd be lying if I weren't going to be happy for us to be free. We simply deserve better. Chin up, friend.

  2. Well said, dear! The clear lack of decency in not giving us a timeline other than "imminent" is astounding. Well - I suppose not that astounding given the leadership. At least we have each other, and our fabulousness intact.