Tales from Unemployment (Installment 1)

I haven't been sleeping well - well, I never sleep well - but I've been waking at 3 am every night and every night I throw my hands up in the air and screech, "Are you kidding me?!"  I gave Matt permission to sleep in the guest bedroom because I can't imagine it's fun to share a bed with an incessant insomniac, especially one who screeches.

There are no good things about insomnia, but today it did get me out of the house at dawn and down to the river trail with Penny.  We walk it often: it's a minute drive from my house and closely hugs the Schuylkill River for three beautiful miles of woods and water.  It's busy on the weekends but near empty at dusk and dawn, so I took her off the leash and we strolled, inhaling the crisp morning dew.  Everything was glistening and I could see the puffs of Penny's breath as she trotted before me, looking back every minute or so in puzzlement as to why her two-legged owner was so darn slow.

And the bluebells are out.  Their periwinkle bonnets are glorious and carpet the forest floor.  Earlier this week, on Monday when it was 80 degrees, we saw turtles, so many of them, basking on logs in the river, their flat shells shiny and smooth  When Penny would leap and bound toward them they hulled themselves into the water and, with their heads peeking out, looked at us wearily.  We also spot a mysterious swan occasionally.  There are tens of geese, with their bothersome honking and bickering, but amidst all that cacophony is a lonely swan floating slowly down the river.  I didn't know swans lived in rivers.  I'm not sure where I thought they lived - parks? 

It's good to have these moments so I can unwind from the truly awful interviews I've had.  I'm not sure when being antagonistic became an interviewing style, but I've had the displeasure of going to two interviews where I felt a bit berated and where I was constantly prepping for the next sneering question.  I work in the recruiting field and I've always made my interviewees feel comfortable and welcomed, and our interviews were lively conversations sprinkled with laughs and puppies (okay; no puppies).  Now I feel like I have to down a drink before walking through the front doors.  To be fair, it was one interviewer at each company out of several and the big wig, and perhaps intimidation was their game.  But they both came off as pricks and left a severe distaste in my mouth for them and their organization.  And that's saying a lot for a girl who's desperate for a gig.

Singin' the Unemployment Blues

I have been unemployed a month.  A month isn't so long when you think about it, and I still punch out "Determined to enjoy this time off!!!" with three exclamation points in emails to friends and former colleagues and chirp "It is what it is!" when asked, but, when at home applying to jobs and watching Dr. Oz, it's apparent: I am officially down and out.  My special talent is getting an interview, even sometimes a second, and then never the offer.  Last week, while on Linkedin, I saw someone update their profile with their new title: a job I interviewed for.  Three interviews, really.  Usually when you are dismissed and rejected, you don't know who they opted for over you: it's a glorious ignorance.  This time I stared at the accepted woman's profile.  For ten minutes.  I read her accomplishments.   My failure was staring me in the face - a rather vibrant face with long chocolate hair and a smug smile (maybe I was reading into this a bit).  With my nose stuffy and my cheeks wet, I typed to Matt, "No one wants me!"  But he immediately responded with, "I want you."  and then "you'll find your match" which made me cry more. Because with every declination, I am disappointed in myself.  I'm embarrassed I'm not pulling my household weight. 

This post has taken so long to write because I get upset whenever I sit down to talk about my unemployment.  I've now had several interviews in which I was declined, and after each "thanks but no thanks" email my ego deflates just a bit more.  I've had poor luck, too: even when offered a contract position it was put on indefinite hold due to budgetary constraints.  After I told everyone.  And when I do interview it's invariably at a company that recently had lay-offs (you know, "strategic reductions") and their staff is over-worked to the tune of 11-hour days and constant travel and I think, "I just can't do this."  That happened last week at a company that boasts $12 billion in annual profit, but to what end?  

Maybe there are people who milk unemployment, but let me say this: there are many, many more of us who would take a drastic pay cut just to get out of the house and do something.  To contribute.  To feel like we add value again.

Speedy Tagine-ish Chicken

I think unemployment, with its constant "no's" and "thanks, but no thanks" or "we'll call you's" is pretty much the pits. It's humbling, demoralizing, and I really think it's driven me to put meat back in my diet because I've up and gone meat crazy this week! First it was that sausage lasagna (still lickin' my lips) and now a Moroccan chicken dish. I also cooked some Thai with chicken that will be featured soon. Frankly, it's probably just a reaction to a year-long diet steeped in beans. My stomach was bound to rebel sooner or later when Matt brought up chickpeas for the millionth time.

Here is a very good (and super quick) Rachel Ray recipe called Quick Tagine-Style Chicken. Tagines are these clay pots used in traditional Moroccan cooking. They're gorgeous but heck, I'm a simple Pennsylvania girl so I used my skillet. The original recipe is printed below, and I made it to a T except I doubled all the spices and suggest you do too! What's a little chicken without some spicy intrigue? The recipe also calls for prunes and I was like, "What?! Do I look like an 80-year-old granny?!" so I opted for apricots. Next time I'm going to add a few veggies and perhaps a can of diced tomatoes. Simple and delish, with a savory sweet finish.

The recipe calls for prunes, but I chucked them and opted for apricots.

Definitely double the spices - you can never had too much cumin!

Quick Tagine-Style Chicken

recipe courtesy of Rachel Ray

• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, 2 turns of the pan
• 4 cloves garlic, smashed beneath the flat of your knife with the heel of your hand, discard skins
• 1 1/2 to 1 3/4 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into large bite-size pieces
• 1 1/2 teaspoons grill seasoning blend (recommended: Montreal Seasoning by McCormick) or coarse salt and coarse pepper
• 2 medium or 1 large yellow skinned onion, quartered and sliced
• 10 pitted prunes, coarsely chopped
• 1-ounce box or 1/4 cup golden raisins
• 2 cups good quality, low sodium chicken stock,

Spice blend:

• 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin
• 1 1/2 teaspoons sweet paprika, eyeball it
• 1/2 teaspoon ground coriander, eyeball it
• 1/2 teaspoon tumeric, eyeball it
• 1/8 teaspoon cinnamon, a couple pinches

Couscous:

nocoupons

• 1 1/2 cups chicken stock
• 1 1/2 cups couscous
• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, eyeball it
• 2 scallions, finely chopped

Directions

Heat a large nonstick skillet over medium high heat. Add extra-virgin olive oil, 2 turns of the pan, in a slow stream, and add smashed garlic. Season the chicken with seasoning blend. Scatter chicken around the pan in an even layer. Cook chicken pieces 2 minutes on each side to brown, then add the onions, prunes, raisins and stock. Mix spices n a small dish and scatter over the pot. Cover and reduce to moderate heat. Cook 7 or 8 minutes, remove the lid and stir.

To prepare the couscous, bring chicken stock to a boil. Add couscous, extra-virgin olive oil and scallions and remove the couscous from the stove immediately. Cover and let stand 5 minutes. Fluff the couscous with a fork.

Uncover chicken and cook another 2 to 3 minutes to thicken slightly. Adjust the seasoning, to taste, and serve chicken on a bed of couscous. Garnish with chopped cilantro and scallions.

Sausage and Mushroom Lasagna

I thought being unemployed would permit me to post all the time. I would go to coffee shops and out would come the laptop and the inspiration. I would tackle new recipes and keep a clean house and be all 50's housewife-like with a really cute circle skirt and kitten heels to boot. But no. Big belly laughs come out when I think of that now. Oh, Kathryn...

I didn't think it was possible, but I am lazier than ever. I still get up early and I have doctor appointments and apply to jobs and talk on the phone with potential employers, but in between I do the following, in order of time allotted to each activity: I sleep, I sleep some more, I take the dog out, I mock Oprah (jealousy probably has everything to do with it), I cook (so that's not so bad), and I eat ice cream and cereal. Between those big time wasters I get the mail and contemplate putting on different yoga pants than yesterday's yoga pants.

But this week I've made three (count them! 3!) new recipes which, as someone who doesn't know when the last time she washed her hair, is really kind of monumental. The first I am going to feature is a super easy and super cheesy lasagna with mushrooms and sausage. I needed a make-ahead meal for a friend visiting and this fit the bill. I generally don't make lasagna: obviously it's not healthy (this is coming from the girl who has been eating ice cream for breakfast), and for some reason I never find it completely filling. But paired with a salad and a crusty French loaf (because you can never have too many carbs!) it's outstanding. You cook the mushroom/onion mixture and sausage in a cup of red wine, and boy does it work wonders. This is one of the top rated recipes on www.epicurious.com and I have no doubts why. Salud!

Mmm...onions and mushrooms. The basis for everything great.

Layer two being applied...

At this point I refrigerated the sucker over night. The meal made for perfect timing (and belt loosening. Well, not really seeing as I only wear yoga pants these days.)

Quick Sausage and Mushroom Lasagna

recipe courtesy of Epicurious (originally printed in Bon Appetit in 2008)

• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 2 8-ounce packages sliced crimini (baby bella) mushrooms
• 1 large onion, chopped (about 2 cups)
• 2 tablespoons dried Italian seasoning blend
• 1 pound hot Italian sausages, casings removed
• 3 garlic cloves, pressed
• 1 cup dry red wine
• 4 2/3 cups marinara sauce (from two 26-ounce jars)
• 1 9-ounce package no-cook lasagna noodles
• 1 15-ounce container ricotta cheese
• 2 8-ounce bags Italian blend grated cheese (4 cups)

Preheat oven to 400°F. Heat oil in heavy large pot over high heat. Add mushrooms, onion, and seasoning blend; sauté until vegetables begin to soften, about 6 minutes. Add sausage and sauté until brown and cooked through, breaking up with back of spoon, about 5 minutes. Add garlic and stir 1 minute. Add wine; cook until almost all liquid evaporates, scraping up browned bits, about 2 minutes. Set aside.

Spread 2/3 cup marinara sauce over bottom of 13x9x2-inch baking dish. Place noodles (about 4) over sauce, forming 1 layer (noodles may overlap slightly). Spread 1 cup sauce over noodles. Top with 1/3 of ricotta, then 1 cup grated cheese. Spoon 1/3 of sausage mixture over. Repeat 2 more times with noodles, sauce, ricotta, grated cheese, and sausage mixture. Cover with 4 more noodles. Spoon remaining 1 cup sauce over; sprinkle remaining 1 cup grated cheese over. Cover with foil, tenting in center to prevent cheese from touching foil. Bake lasagna 45 minutes; remove foil. Bake until bubbling at edges and cheese is browned, about 10 minutes longer. Let stand 15 minutes.

Read More http://www.epicurious.com/articlesguides/bestof/toprecipes/bestpastarecipes/recipes/food/views/Quick-Sausage-and-Mushroom-Lasagna-350399#ixzz1HjjUUMBX

Video: Dog Caring for Dog in Japan

Small pleasures escaped the days during my first week of unemployment. And then last Friday I learned of the earthquake in Japan, then tsunami, and now, of course the chilling news about the meltdown of Japan's nuclear power plants. When you're unemployed you watch a lot of television, and read a lot of news. I sift through these tidbits all day long in between applying to jobs, fixing lunch, and finally putting on different sweats (from the ones I sadly slept in) to take the dog for a walk. I've been watching what's happening in Japan with a sort of frozen half-belief, but it wasn't until today that I actually cried when viewing a clip of the devastation. And it was from The Today Show, no less! Not some venerated newscast! And about a dog! Jeez. I don't know what this says about me - or about other people who cried at the same clip - but there's something so innately vulnerable about animals and particularly dogs: they have no clue what is happening yet they nurture nonetheless. Their loyalty is startling. I talk to my dog, Penny, throughout the day and her ears always perk up at the sound of my voice. We cook together, get the mail together, greet our neighbors together, and together we wait for Matt to get home. She's my best friend.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

I'm Out!

My sentiments, exactly.

Today is my last day at work.  Talk about the last day of purgatory!

Catch you on the flip (unemployed, still wearing my pajamas at 2 PM) side!

Tom Ka Gai + Kathryn = Love At First Slurp

God I love soup.  It may be because it's an easy excuse to eat whole loaves of bread and say it was necessary.  I mean, there was soup involved!  I can't really say that about Tom Ka Gai, which is a traditional Thai coconut and chicken soup.  When was the last time you got a bread basket at a Thai joint?  But that doesn't really matter: I still adore its milky goodness.  Slurp.  Slurp.  Slurp.

Here's a dumbed-down version I found on All Recipes.  Not to say I'm dumb, or you're dumb, but when are we going to have time to track down kaffir leaves and galangal?  Anyway, it's still delish and I bet more exotic than what your neighbor is making.  Enjoy!

Tom Ka Gai (Thai Coconut Chicken Soup)

• 1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breasts
• 2 cans (13.5 oz) coconut milk
• 1-inch piece ginger, thinly sliced (or galangal, a distant cousin of ginger)
• 2 stalks lemongrass, bruised and chopped (expose the essence-y white part!)
• juice of one lime (or 10 kaffir lime leaves, torn) plus 1/4 cup lime juice
• 1 pound shiitake mushrooms, sliced
• 3 Tb. fish sauce
• 1/4 cup brown sugar (start with a bit less and add more to taste)
• 1 Tb. curry powder
• 2 Tbs. diced scallions
• 1 tsp. dried red pepper flakes

***I also added tons of chopped cilantro (see photos) because I can't get enough of the stuff.

1. Saute chicken until done.  Set aside.
2. Pour the coconut milk and 2 cups of water in a large saucepan; bring to a simmer. Add the ginger, lemon grass, and lime juice (or kaffir leaves) ; simmer for 10 minutes, or until the flavors are infused. Strain the coconut milk into a new pan and discard the spices. Simmer the shiitake mushrooms in the coconut milk for five minutes. Stir in the lime juice, fish sauce, and brown sugar. Season to taste with curry powder.
3. To serve, reheat chicken in the soup, and ladle into serving bowls. Garnish with green onion and red pepper flakes (and cilantro if so inspired).

Greek Dip with a Dollop of Grief

There is not much more demoralizing than applying to jobs that cap out at half your current salary (and that isn't too high), and still not getting a call.  I know, I know - "Welcome to the recession, Kathryn!" I say in a droll voice.  It's a race to the bottom in terms of benefits and income, and still jarring to see 30K admin jobs in Philadelphia that require an advanced degree and 5-8 years experience.  It's things like this that make me just sit and stare at my computer screen, exhale, and cry.  And I'm technically not even unemployed.  How's that for such a pathetic sense of self-pity?  My last day is this week but we're still waiting for the axe.  We just want to know.  We want finality to it all.  We want to leave the building with purpose.

I had my IVF transfer yesterday and was told to rest.  When I feel tears coming on I take deep breaths, curse my soon-to-be-former CEO and eat jelly beans.  I'm like a badass seven-year-old.  On a good note, the transfer went fine as did this cycle.  And fine is just what I need right now.

We froze 10 fertilized eggs, and implanted two eight-celled critters in my uterus yesterday.  Saucy and sizzlin', I know!  It was the most fruitful sex I've ever had.  Sorry - I lack a sense of boundaries when it comes to my nether regions.  But in all seriousness: this may be the closest to being pregnant Matt and I may ever get. And that's a startling thought.

After a morning of whimpering over admin jobs I'm not qualified for, I'm determined to relax.  And by relax I mean eat a big bowl of chana masala, light my lavender candle, and watch some Whose Wedding Is It, Anyway?.  I also think I'll share a delightful little ditty of a recipe I made a few weeks back for our neighborhood get together.  I know, I know - I never even mentioned it!  It came and went and it was a lackluster week: I was sick, found out I'm losing my job and we just started our fertility meds for this cycle.  I had grand visions of kicking culinary ass at this thing and showing these neighbors what us Hopkins can whip up, but life got in the way and I made due with a big veggie tray and dip, some bought tomato pies, and this number: a layered Greek dip (stole shamelessly from Closet Cooking).  There was still too much food - everyone brings a dish so I don't know what the heck I was worried about anyway.  I always make too much food; it's just my way.  Anyway, who doesn't like leftovers?

So here is a super simple Greek dip comprised of hummus, tzatziki, and diced cucumbers, tomatoes, feta and kalamata olives.  I want everyone to notice my artful arrangement, because, really, it's all I got at this point.  Since I piled high all the fixins', you can't really see the hummus, but it's there and makes the basis of the dip.  In the middle is a good cup of tzatziki, and then I sprinkled the rest like a feign.  It made a great presentation, and an excellent alternative to a staid ol' layered taco dip - you know what I'm sayin'?

Layered Greek Dip

courtesy of Closet Cooking

(Note: I did my own "non-recipe" recipes for the hummus and tzatziki but you can find links to both here.)

• 1 1/2 cups hummus
• 1 cup tzatziki
• 1 cup tomato (diced and mixed with 1 tablesoon lemon juice and 1/2 teaspoon oregano)
• 1/2 cup cucumber (cut into small pieces)
• 1/4 cup red onions (diced)
• 1/4 cup feta (crumbled)
• 1/4 cup kalamata olives (pitted and coarsely chopped)
• 1 handful mint (chopped)
• 4 whole wheat pitas (cut into triangles and toasted until just crispy)

Directions:
1. Assemble dip starting with the hummus and stacking each ingredient on top of the last.

Don't Get In My Way

When you find out unemployment is eminent, you do crazy things.  My last day will be today or Monday. Last Thursday our CEO - glib and removed - said although making payroll may be questionable, we should all be professionals and come into work with a smile.  Since we are on deferred pay, that could mean one month of work without pay.  And that makes me incensed.  I have thus decided the only reasonable action is to steal anything I can use during unemployment: having Crohn's, toilet paper tops that list.  I'm also eyeing paper and pens, file racks and cleaner, and I'm so low that even feminine hygiene supplies have made the list.  Hey; they take my money, I take their tampons.


I've also taken other immediate actions: on Thursday I called three eye doctors until I found one who would see me the next day (no less, on his lunch hour).  He was cute to boot and smelled of soap - I was smitten.  Then yesterday I raced to Target's pharmacy before it closed to fill a much-need prescription because I had three coupons - fill a prescription, get a $10 Target gift card.  With two $10 gift cards in hand, I feel like I'm rolling in the dough.

I'm also going through IVF and yesterday had our egg retrieval.  There's not much to tell: it went fine, we had lunch afterwards, and I ate a gyro.  Well, come to think of it, that was a really slammin' afternoon.  But things, on a whole, have been hard.  My neighborhood has a horrible rush hour traffic problem and I want to move, which is idiotic on many levels, except that I feel like a prisoner in my own home.  The shades are down and loud music is often on so I can go about my business without having to hear the stop and go of all the vehicles.  It sounds silly, but it's driving me crazy and I longingly look at houses online that we cannot afford (especially now).  I don't want a big house (smaller would be fine!).  I just want it...removed.  This morning I was beeped at several times for going the speed limit in my neighborhood.  I find this particularly noxious: here are drivers who are cutting through a quiet, suburban street and they have the gull to beep.  So I gave them the finger.  That's pretty much how I take matters into my own hands.



This is a reenactment of the angry, honkin' driver behind me.  I love it when their faces turn red.



Will Work For Sushi

Well...that's one way to put it.

The most praying I do is on the scale at the doctor’s office and walking into work: “Let’s hope this will be a good day!” Both of these pseudo-prayers are most definitely futile, unfortunately.

But lately something peculiar has been happening. Take last Saturday. It was raining and cold and Penny had to go for a walk, so I donned two sweatshirts, a canary yellow rains slicker and my trusty Eskimo boots and off we went to the river trail. The snow was still about 10 inches thick and we trudged slowly and silently (well – I did, she more or less hopped gracefully). The air was clear and crisp and the rain pitter pattered on my jacket. Penny trounced from one snowy mound to the other, looking back every thirty seconds or so at her pathetic owner (and if a dog can roll their eyes, she surely has the gift).

And even though it was cold, and raining, and I was huffin’ and puffin’ (and, yes) grunting, it was rather lovely, peaceful, and affirming. And it was the closest I’ve come to prayer in years.

These little moments have been positively delightful. Take Valentine’s morning: at 5:45 am I heard Matt shuffling around like a drunken moose. “What are you doing?” I asked. “I’m making you breakfast!”, he replied. Never mind I occasionally meet a friend at the gym with this morning being one of them. No worries, he said, we’ll have a quick breakfast. Which is what I did at 6:10 that morning in five minutes flat. Banana pancakes, coffee, and a quick kiss goodbye. It couldn’t have been sweeter.

I think of these quiet moments in times of strife, and this is one of them. It is confirmed: I am being laid off. No one knows when, except “soon”. When you are told your company is out of money during a last-minute night conference call, and that there are no other choices because no bank in their right mind will refinance us, and when your boss’s boss cries at this news, you know it’s bad. I saw the writing on the wall a while ago in unpaid bills, tales of excessive spending, and other dirty secrets that trickled down to my desk. No controls in place, no leadership, no fortitude, and this leaves us little people scrambling. When you know you’re going to be laid off you sulk, lose motivation, and wait…and wait. You wait for the ball to drop. For the other shoe to drop. You wait for another nighttime last-minute conference call announcing the inevitable.

There's not much I can do. (Well, except cry and then bitch and then sulk, all of which I do often.) I want answers - when? Is there severance? Will we even make payroll and will my PTO be paid out? I have almost 100 hours of PTO saved up (and for this, I now laugh) to add onto a maternity leave. Yes; big, boisterous laughs. And next week I have my IVF egg retrieval, followed by (I hope) the transfer. I'm trying not to complain, but it's not in my makeup. I am fortunate: if I give up the fertility stuff, going out to eat, and other extras, we will be fine. Maybe it's high time I practiced some big time budgetary restraint (But there is sushi to be eaten! And new dresses to be bought!) I am lucky I have a significant other who is employed, who has insurance I can jump onto, and who tolerates my aforementioned crying, bitching, and sulking.

But between all this crying, bitching, and sulking, I swear, I am having those little, transcendent moments. I'm not saying I'm having deep thoughts or anything, but it's a start. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some jobs that need apply'n.